Deadline Day Round-up; City in "not ruining football" shock...

It's that time of year where every train passenger/airport worker/stadium passer-by suddenly becomes ITK and has an uncanny ability to spot obscure footballers in large crowds, whilst others sit at home bashing their F5 key in a manner not seen since Track and Field. It's Deadline Day!

Whilst the top three teams in United, Arsenal, and City, are quite happy to play the cards they've been dealt, confident in the squads they've been working with all season (the signing of Edin Dzeko, notwithstanding), the teams chasing that final Champions League spot have engaged in some quite extraordinary panic buying.

The deal most talked about was that of Fernando Torres to Chelsea, for the British record fee of £50million. Chelsea may have an ageing forward line, but they are taking a massive risk in signing a player with ordinary form in the last eighteen months and a chequered injury past, for quite silly money (and that's a big call coming from a City fan).

Just in case there wasn't enough proof that the world has gone completely mad, Andy Carroll will join Liverpool for an astounding £35million, hot on the heels of the £23million paid for Uruguay striker and back-up goal keeper, Luis Suarez. Suarez of course, comes fresh from Ajax in the Eredivisie — the same league that gave us gems such as Afonso Alves and Gorgeous George Samaras.

That's more than £1m for every goal Andy Carroll has scored in all competitions in his career. Ever. For that kind of money, if you were a Newcastle supporter, you'd drive him to Anfield yourself — very carefully, mind.

I suppose if you're a Liverpool fan, you could think of it as replacing a somewhat-out-of-form Torres and a rather rubbish Ryan Babel with a brand new pair of strikers for just a little over £2million. But they'll be too busy going back down to Deedpoll, or burning replica kits to realise that maybe, just maybe, this isn't such a bad deal for them after all.

With Torres lowering the average age of the Chelsea squad to approximately 47, that leaves little room for Daniel Sturridge, who will begin his career decline on loan at Barcelona Bolton. You can't help but think it's a little bit of karma from the player who demanded £55,000 a week to stay at City, on the back of just three Premier League starts.

Speaking of careers on the decline, Stephen Ireland will join Newcastle on loan, lasting just 153 days at Aston Villa, failing to impress Gerard Houllier and indeed, most of the Villa faithful.

Ireland made just 12 appearances in all competitions, and completed 90 minutes on just two occasions — the 0-6 loss to Newcastle and the 0-3 loss to Liverpool. You can make of that what you will.

Without Robinho to attract the attention of three defenders while he saunters up the pitch unmarked, Ireland has been found to be just a little bit average. And with a midfield of Barton, Nolan, Tiote and Gutierrez, it may be another spell of bench warming for The Footballer Formerly Known As Superman.

Manchester City were uncharacteristically quiet, with the only deal of note being a rather uninspiring interest in taking Sebastian Larsson on loan from Birmingham. Larsson only had six months left on his current contract, so you'd assume Brum aren't that keen on retaining him. Despite the player's obvious interest in the move, Birmingham apparently rejected the deal, obviously failing to recall our generosity in loaning them a keeper that single-handedly (well double-handedly I suppose when you think about it) carried them to a top-ten finish last season.

Elsewhere, 'Arry Redknapp (the man who gets sexually aroused every time he signs a new player because of the massive brown envelopes stuffed with cash) amazingly failed to make a single transfer for Tottenham on Deadline Day — presumably because he'd run out of ex-Portsmouth players to buy. Names such as Sergio Aguero and Diego Forlan were bandied about, before making a last-minute play for Blackpool's Charlie Adam. Because if there's one thing that Tottenham need, it's more midfielders...

A staggering £241m was spent during the window, however only £27m of which came from Manchester City's only purchase, Edin Dzeko. Maybe now people will shut the fuck up about City paying too much/ruining the transfer window/killing football/buying the league/causing global warming...